Rest Stop
by criminally charmed
Summary: missing scene for Swan Song. Rumaging through things can bring up memories - and regrets.


**Rest Stop**

**by Criminally Charmed**

**A/N - I never forgave Dean for throwing away his amulet in "Dark Side of the Moon". Which proves I don't own Supernatural. Would like the car. But I was watching Supernatural on DVD the other night (nothing good on TV and too tired to read) and ended up writing this. Usually, my SN one shots are very lighthearted. Must have been in a bad mood that night. **

**Oh, and this takes place right after "Swan Song"**

Dean Winchester drove away from Stull Cemetery, intending to drive non-stop to Cicero and to Lisa. It was what he had promised Sam.

Sammy. His baby brother. The tears he had been holding back since his baby brother had fallen into the Pit began to run down his face. Sam had sacrificed himself in the end and stopped the Apocalypse.

Pulling into a rest stop along the interstate, Dean made sure the Impala was far away from the other cars in the lot. Leaning back, Dean let the tears continue to fall as he murmured his brother's name over and over.

"Damn it, Sammy," Dean muttered as he grabbed an old McDonald's napkin and wiped at his face. "Everything I am was being your big brother. Now what do I do?"

"_You two die more than anyone I've ever known,"_ Ash had told them on the foray into Heaven. But they had always come back.

As he leaned against the steering wheel, Dean took several shaky breaths. "But not this time."

It had begun to rain and the people who had been milling about, sitting on outside picnic tables, walking dogs, stretching their legs, now just ran to and from the building and their vehicles, whether they be cars, RV's or eighteen wheelers. But the rain was fine with Dean. It seemed to be a reflection of his mood.

Dean climbed out the car, popped open the trunk and pulled out a bag. Sam's bag. As the rain began to change to a deluge, Dean hurried back into the car, dumping the contents onto the passenger seat – Sam's seat.

He began to go through the stuff. Clothes, books…no demon hunting books. Dean had given those to Bobby along with most of his other tools of the trade. The clothing was worn, most of them Dean put to the side. He would toss them in the dumpster when the rain lightened. Dean grabbed one shirt and caught his brother's scent. He tenderly laid that down and then proceeded to put some of Sam's beloved books on the material. Using the shirt, Dean made a pack out of it to save the books. Not that Dean would read them, but – they were _Sam's._

Tucking the homemade pack back into his bag, Dean knew he would keep the bundle somewhere safe. At least until the ache faded from Dean's stomach.

It should happen probably about ten years after Dean was dead.

As Dean began to shove the other clothes into a trash bag he had had folded on the floor in the back of the Impala, a small "clink" sound drew Dean's attention. Setting down the bag and the remaining clothes, Dean leaned down to see what had fallen. A black cord stuck out from under the seat and Dean grabbed it to pull it up.

And then he forgot to breathe for a moment.

A familiar looking amulet stared back at Dean. He could remember the last time he saw it – when he tossed it into a trash can in their latest motel room, breaking his baby brother's heart with the act. Dean also remembered the first time he had seen it.

It was Christmas. The Christmas that Sam had found out about the supernatural. Dean remembered what he had said to Sammy – yeah, still Sammy then. Still sweet, innocent, Sammy…

_First thing you need to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero._

_He is?_

_Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them now._

Sammy had thought about this before speaking again.

_But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real._

_That's because he already checked under there. But yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real._

_Is Santa real?_

_No._

"Ah, Sammy," Dean muttered as he held the amulet to his lips. "You don't know how much I wanted to tell you Santa was real."

Moving the amulet between his fingers, Dean remembered Sam giving it to him that Christmas. It was supposed to have been a gift for their father, but Dean knew what Sam meant by giving it to him instead. Sam was acknowledging that Dad was Dad but that Dean was his world – just as Sam was Dean's. He had promised Sam he would never take it off…

"So what do you do, you son of a bitch," Dean grumbled. "You threw it away, breaking Sammy's heart." Part of Dean wanted to turn around, find Bobby and start killing as many monsters as he could before one eventually would get Dean. But he had promised Sammy. And this time, he wouldn't break his promise to his baby brother.

Pulling the remaining clothes from where they had been scattered, Dean pushed them back into Sam's bag, covering up the pile of books at the bottom. Picking up the amulet, he slipped it back into the bag. Since the rain had slowed once more, Dean got out of the car and returned it to the trunk, pushing it all the way to the back. Part of Dean wanted to keep and wear the amulet, but at the moment Dean didn't feel worthy of it. Maybe someday he would, but not now.

As Dean pulled back onto the interstate, he pushed the amulet to the back of his mind, knowing he would never feel worthy of the amulet again unless Sam handed it to him.

And there was no way in Hell – literally – that that could ever happen. Right?is?

* * *

_**A/N - I know I said I was gone until the fall. But...just couldn't help myself. Oh, I will be back on or around August 18th, because I can't forget Sammygirl1963's birthday, can I?**_


End file.
